Retirement blues'!

I had read the following lines somewhere on the internet and it had stayed with me, for its erudite lucidity in defining Retirement.

"Retirement is the reward after decades of hard work and an opportunity to spend more time with family, to travel, and to do all the things on your bucket list you wanted, but were too busy to do when you are working".

I do not know, if this is an acceptable definition to the common retired person.  It would probably vary from individual to individual. By and large, I think this exactly fits into my idea of retirement. 

During the working-phase of my life, I had never given a thought, as to, what would life be or what I would do, after retirement; always assuming that my life, as I knew then, would go on in an uninterrupted manner.   Little did I know that someday I would get old and bald; the little remaining hairs would get grey; the gaps between the teeth, widening despite the dental fillings; and above all, being not in real control of my own bladder.  Oh dear,  please hold on to your smile/smirk, there is more to come; beguiling and embarrassing physical health concerns coming soon to a theatre "(sic)" hospital near you.  The days of everything in life being hunky-dory would be long gone.  The most disappointing thing would be that the Company that employed you would no longer require your services; skillsets would age; technologies would change, or there would be a fixed retirement age (which is 60 years in India, now for most of the government and public sector enterprises including banks). After reality kicked in, and retirement was almost upon me, I realized, that on the day i submitted my resignation (I am using Resignation and Retirement interchangeably as my Resignation soon turned out to be my Retirement!) my name would just be a closed entry on the Company’s records. I would be merely acknowledged, as an ex-employee, on exit from the company. The Company which had, until the day prior to my last day at office, commended my work ethics and quality of work delivered; bestowing me with fancy titles, had overnight deleted my ID out of the systems and blocked out my physical access to all of their facilities. As I happened to visit my then beloved office the next day after my resignation, I had to request my ex-colleagues to log me in, using their ID and escort me to the department, which I had casually wanted to visit to bid my final goodbyes. All the admiration and respect I had commanded the day prior, amongst my colleagues, had vanished overnight into thin air. It was literally like, I had become a pariah or even more to the point, a persona-non-grata, with the Company that I had so cherished in my heart; for it had provided me with my bread and butter. 

During my working heydays, weekends and other public holidays were great fun, to go out with the family on social visits or reading or simply enjoying a lazy day at home. ‘Me-time’ and ‘sleep-time’ were always at a premium during those hectic working days. Mondays used to be drudgery, due to heavy traffic on the streets and workloads left over from the past week at office. Surprise was that the Immediate bosses and superiors used to reach office early on Mondays brimming with fresh ideas, displaying high energy and vigour; waiting to pick on and browbeat their subordinates with their new ideas.  Basing on my experience, work life, indeed was a real pain sometimes, especially as I was stuck in the middle management; sandwiched between demanding superiors and indifferent subordinates.

After years of waking up early in the day to an alarm clock, it was splendid in the first few days, post-retirement, to over-sleep for some time and wake up leisurely, with no particular place to go and above all, freedom from routine obligations. Life was great, no motoring to the office in the terrible traffic conditions, no bosses to get shouted at, no subordinates to deal with. Once the initial euphoria of the post-retirement life passes on, new challenges, arise. Many, new unforeseen factors come into play.

The biggest challenge would be on the home-front.  You heard at right!  Here goes.  People around you, resent your presence at home; especially the women folk (you guessed it!) because you are staying at home, like them, with them, in their hitherto unchallenged domain. Women folk, generally, do not like or want your presence, day in and day out, around the home space, that they have created, cherished and nurtured, over the years. I can understand their animosity; You see, it is, but, natural when someone who has not been home during the daytimes for years and decades together, suddenly comes alive and tries to mark his presence at home and edge/trip you over in the Kitchen, of all places.  Kitchen, is the sanctum sanctorum for women folk. How dare you, come in and spoil my dish, says the Lady of the house.  Ladies should surely have the rights to guard their fiefdoms. Please forgive me, I should not have had the temerity to say these things; just a slip of the tongue disguised as tongue-in-cheek humour?

After the initial challenges, as detailed above, on the home-front wane (you see, the famous Charlie Chaplin quote comes to mind, "Nothing is permanent in this world, including our troubles or worries or even irritations or fights"), then comes the new challenge of what to do with the rest of your life. People with extraordinary passion or energy continue with their life/career pursuits in line with their passions even after their formal retirement; however, for people with no particular skillsets, like me, the daily lazy routine bites. It is my considered opinion, that nature counter balances this state, generally, by inducing adverse health conditions such as diabetes, or high blood pressure or heart condition or/and something similar, to keep the retiree, busy in daily life e.g., counting colourfully packeted tablets, admiring bottled tonics of different types and sizes for time-pass, etc.  The retiree would have some new health challenges on hand to discuss and mope about with his retired group of friends in the neighbourhood parks; exchanging health related advice and discussing ad nausea, the present Indian political scene and current affairs. As the popular quote goes, ‘Time and tide wait for no man’, time swiftly marches on, relentlessly. It is soon time to say goodbye to the World, as we know it!  

Coming to my post-retirement plans, it had always been my dream that I would travel around the world and visit interesting places.  Come retirement, many of the post-retirement plans remain only on paper. Our travel plans kept on postponing due to one reason or the other; there was Covid; and then, some other work like marriages or engagements of near and dear ones, etc.  Despite all the impediments that came our way, we still managed to cover some places and a few countries on our bucket list.  Funnily enough, the bucket list is getting long and endless on a regular basis.  I am not sure, how things will pan out in my future. For now, let the contents of the bucket list remain a mystery.

The upside of this, however, is money to that extent has been saved, which would come in handy for a rainy day, especially if you are living off a Government Bank Pension, like me!

A trip down memory lane

A trip down memory lane 

I strive hard to be useful and supportive to my family's wants and requirements, on a daily basis, after attaining the retirement status. I was happy to chip in for the daily household chores.  This includes all and sundry shopping, kitchen help, driver duty and more.  Else, you know the consequences cannot be exactly nice for home-bodies like me.  All my senior citizen friends desert me after the morning walking ritual. Perhaps, all of them have their responsibilities cut-out at their homes.  You see I was not assigned any key responsibilities within my home.  Other than loitering around, within the confines of the home, I see to it that all things are kept in its assigned spot.  I have this OCD issue, you see.  So, what else anyone expects me to do, is beyond me.  After all, I am a senior citizen with limited capabilities, which is a good enough excuse for not doing any heavy stuff, right?

Coming to the point, it was decided by the powers that be, at my home, that my important responsibility would be to bring my grandson from the School everyday.  3.30 PM on the dot, I had to be at the school doorstep.  I had agreed happily with alacrity and enthusiasm.  Little did I anticipate the pitfalls involved in this activity. 

While on the job of fetching my grandson from the School, it was a daily ritual with my grandson to gently guide me to a nearby stationery shop (FYI, the shop also stores children's goodies) for all the delectable goodies he desired for.  Yes, the very same chocolates, chips, lolly pops, ice cream and many other items that are all, generally, very harmful to the child's health and well-being.  My indulgent nature (please do tell me, which grandparent would not want to pamper his grandson), along with my penchant for being called a 'cool' granddad landed me in trouble, many times over.  My grandson developed tooth problems, digestion issues and other immunity health issues.  As is the case with daughters, I was deemed the culprit and an utterly useless grandfather.  I was almost banished from the only activity, I loved and cherished.  Nevertheless, I have a dogged personality.  I can put up a pointless fight sometimes, for equal rights between men and women! This created a huge ruckus, as the other senior lady of the house, joined in, for a strong triangular fight.  That's it.  I was done for.  Anyway, coming to the point, I was told to continue with the job, for the time being, till a replacement was found.  I am happy to report that I am still on the job with no worthwhile replacement found till the date of this writing.  But, mind you, the condition was, I had to desist from the mandatory attendance at the stationery shop.  The shop owner looks at me longingly with disappointment largely writ all over his face, as if I am a spineless character.  I feel sorry for him, as does he!

On account of my spinal surgery, I had to take a long break from my duties including the School job.  After the mandatory recuperation period, I was back at the School job.  On my first day post resumption of my duties, when I went to the School, with a 'walking stick' swinging in my hand and a spring in my step, the class teacher standing at the School gate challenged me to prove that I am the grandfather of my ward before the handover could happen.  I was taken aback, shocked at this affront by the beautiful School lady standing in front of me, looking at me with skepticism and suspicion as if I was a malevolent kidnapper of children!  What more could I do, here I was, pleading with this visibly angry lady informing her in my politest tone that I was, indeed,  the grandfather of my grandson!  The lady was unmoved.  She demanded that I produce the identity card of the child.  Suddenly, with a flourish, I produced the identity card, from the inside pocket of my trousers (Lucky me, I had carried the Child's ID Card).  I showed it to her with a triumphant smile baring all my remaining teeth. She appeared crestfallen.  I locked my eyes with hers, mustering as much courage as I could, given the circumstances, and asked her to handover the child to my care   I was beaming with triumph very much like the David in the 'David and Goliath' story, who defeats the giant Philistine Goliath with a simple stone! I had defeated the beautiful School lady by just producing my grandson's ID card.  What a great day, I thought.  Does this not require a celebration.  You bet!  On our way home, this time I gently guided my grandson to the goodies' shop and both of us enjoyed a huge bar of the most wonderful Cadbury chocolates.  What say, diabetes?  I was literally, floating in the seventh heaven, the entire remainder of the day!

Ancient Indian Civilization - A mere conondrum or lost civilization

When I read about the human advances in various fields happening all around us, my thoughts go to the achievements/advances that had happened/occurred in India so long ago.  I believe, we have lost much of those memories in continuity as there were not much knowledge/interest in record keeping.  We have always been a civilization that did not believe in publishing or putting out our achievements in the public domain.  This is very much par for the course, based on how we think about ourselves as a civilization.  Haven’t we all wondered, at some point in time, about the ancient Indian civilization that was? How was the ancient Indian civilization really like? How far back does the ancient Indian civilization really date? What was it like to be living during those times/period? We keep hearing about the advances that had been made by the great Indian astronomers, political administrators, philosophers, composers, poets,  religious gurus who propounded various theories and doctrines during the ancient times; Aryabhata, Bhaskara, Kautilya, Buddha, Mahavira, Patanjali, Kalidasa and many other sages and wise men; the list is endless. There were many more extraordinary personalities and luminaries who had existed in the centuries gone by, of whose existence we have probably not heard and/or have never come to light. We are told that philosophy, science and spirituality/religions and many other disciplines like Yoga, evolved in India very much before the World knew anything about it.

All this is in the realm of our cultural heritage, we should be really proud of our accomplishments/achievements.  But then, how do we know all of this, the existence of these extraordinary people and their respective accomplishments, that it really happened? Most of it gleaned from texts/manuscripts on dried palm leaves (also known as Talapatra) and some verses and poetry by various other authors that were available to us after the Christian Era or as now it is commonly referred to as, Common Era (CE).   Some of this ancient history has been obtained by deciphering the inscriptions from various heritage sites, excavation sites, temples, caves, rocks, edifices, coins etc. Some of the ancient history is also obtained from published works of foreign travellers who had visited India during the centuries gone by. Two main travellers come to mind. Megasthenes the Greek historian whose work ‘Indika’ contained a brief history of India (around 298 BCE); and Huen Tsang the Chinese scholar who visited India in the 7th century. There may have been more. We have been told that the World outside of India were always in envy of India; they considered this to be the magic land and a land of plenty; they were in search of routes to reach this wonderful place.

I am amazed at the depth of knowledge and understanding of the universe the ancient Indians had mastered. Just look at the Vedas and Puranas. The Rig Veda had shaken the entire World. The Rig Veda itself is a profound literary work in Sanskrit consisting of thousands of hymns composed by different seers over different periods in time. The World has been in awe of this literary composition which dates back to thousands of years. Whilst the Indian scholars say that the Vedas may be around 6000-7000 years, the Western scholars tend to date it around 1500 BC i.e., 3500 years (was it purely for political reasons?). Makes me wonder why none of the seers who composed the Vedas did not feel prudent enough to affix a date on their compositions.  All the controversies could have been avoided!  Probably, they did not feel the need to preserve them for posterity as they did not consider their works to outlive their lifetimes.  It is also in the realm of politics that Aryan migration theory was propounded by Max Muller to appropriate the Rig Veda as the work of ancient Eastern Europeans (or some part of Europe or Southern Russia or wherever the Aryans were originally supposed to have come from as propounded by the European academics) who had migrated to India (as Aryans) and assimilated among the then prevailing indigenous native population before composing the Rig Veda.

Even Mahabharata and Ramayana which are the greatest epics that India has produced does not have a clear time and date. Encyclopaedia Britannica ascribes Mahabharata to the period 400 BCE to 200 CE. As per Encyclopaedia Britannica, Ramayana was composed in Sanskrit, probably not before 300 BCE by the poet Valmiki.

We are told that Sanskrit is a very old language probably some 4000 or 5000 years old depending on which version you subscribe, whether Indian scholars or Western scholars. Western scholars further subscribe to the theory that the origin of Sanskrit is rooted in some common European language, as it has so many similarities with Latin or Greek. It is not clear when Sanskrit language came into existence. We are told that the Sanskrit language has always been used for the purpose of religious and learned discourse in ancient India, in contrast to the language spoken by the common people which was Prakrit. If this is indeed the case, prior to the period of Sanskrit was there no other language or script that existed in ancient India for recording literary compositions, manuscripts, or any other communication? Was it probable that all literary work or compositions were passed on from generation to generation merely by word of mouth? The Indus Valley Civilization, Harappa and Mohenjo-Daro civilizations of which considerable number of sites have been found through excavations do not have a definite timeline either. These civilizations were not discovered until the 1920’s CE, and much of this civilization still remains a mystery. One reason the Indus Valley civilization is so mysterious is because historians have not been able to decipher their complicated written language called Indus Script. There are thousands of artefacts with 400-600 different written symbols. Most of these symbols were pressed into soft clay with seals. Indus Script symbols have been discovered in Mesopotamia, which suggests they maintained a regular trade with these civilizations. It makes me wonder why the Indian academicians or historians did not continue the research work on deciphering these symbols. How come even after so many years none of them have been able to understand or decipher it. It reflects poorly on our research work. We are totally dependent on Westerners, academicians or scholars or historians.

There are various theories on the demise or fall of the Indus valley and Harappan civilizations. There is nothing conclusive. While some theorists say that the drying up of the Saraswati river  (or did it really exist?) could be the cause of mass exodus and demise or fall of the civilizations, there are some theorists who say that the environmental factors such as changing climatic conditions, tectonic activity or flooding could have led to demise or fall of the civilizations. In a recent article, it is pointed out that though there exists evidence of climate changes during that epoch, but these climate changes may not be the cause of destruction of the Indus valley and Harappan civilizations.

If the ancient people of India had lived only in the Northern and North-West regions that included modern day Pakistan and Afghanistan (as many excavation sites are found in these regions), what about the rest of the Indian sub-continent. South India, East India, West India for example. Were there no ancient civilizations that existed in these regions? Archaeologists now claim that they have found an ancient habitation site near Madurai, which may have been an important settlement of Pandian era dating from 3rd BCE to 3 CE. Is it possible that similar ancient habitation sites existed in all the other regions of India, probably still buried underneath and yet to be discovered. If there were pockets of civilizations that existed in the different parts of India, there should have been some way they were all connected to each other. Otherwise, how else would one explain that the Vedas and Puranas are known to all the peoples of India, residing in various regions, South, East and West of India. All this remains a big mystery. Sanskrit should have been the common thread running through all the regions of ancient India. How else would one have learnt the Vedas and Puranas which were mostly composed in Sanskrit? There are also so many other classical languages such as Kannada, Tamil, Telugu that exist today, having an ancient history of thousands of years. Scholars say that many of these languages have some percentage of Sanskrit words in them. Be that as it may, there are so many questions that comes to one’s mind. For example: As per recent archaeological evidence, the Harappan civilization existed between 7000 BC and 1900 BC, and further that it declined completely by 1300 BC. What happened after 1300 BC? There exists a clear discontinuity between Harappan civilization and later Indian civilisation (due to lack of written records); There is no clarity on the manner of rise, stabilisation and eventual fall of the Harappan civilization; We are told that, at its peak, the Harappan civilization covered more than 30 per cent of the present landmass of the Indian Subcontinent (probably this included Pakistan and Afghanistan). If this is indeed so, does that mean that the 70 per cent of the rest of Indian Subcontinent landmass was uninhabited? Further, if we are to consider the Indus valley and Harappan civilizations as the forerunners to the later Indian civilization, how come the Rig Veda and other Puranas are not written in the Indus script. Where and when did Sanskrit come into existence. What is the link between Indus script and Sanskrit? Were the ancient Indian civilization with Sanskrit as their language disconnected from the Indus valley and Harappan civilizations. Were their different civilizations both running parallel and unknown to each other. Another conundrum.

Proscribing a date to the events and happenings that occurred in the ancient past (by scholars and archaeologists) is a difficult exercise prone to errors of judgment, prejudice and racial discrimination. Even the scientific dating technologies that exist keeps on undergoing advances and the estimated dates keep on getting revised. A new article published in Nature states that the earliest Harappan sites in India dates back to the 7th millennium BCE based on radiocarbon dating.

From all of the above, it appears that ancient India was a lost World (except for certain bits and pieces gathered through the archaeological excavations) as no decipherable records existed (or nothing has been found as yet) on the lives and times of people living in those centuries and beyond. Was it that the ancient Indian people of that period did not bother about posterity? This is a rather unfortunate commentary on the people of ancient India and does not truly reflect the advancement of society in the fields of science, technology, philosophy, religious discourse, etc.

The 'boss' man

Well, this blog piece is not about thrashing supercilious bosses, who seemingly undermine their subordinates by ‘bossy’ behaviour and what they deem to represent. I would rather give them the benefit of doubt as there is a section of staff members who do not stand up to the high integrity/expectations of Corporate’s standards nor do these people understand the need to do so. I have come across staff members having inflated egos with a ‘know-all’ attitude. Being ‘bossy’ in these situations is definitely on, else how would one make the subordinate listen to the big 'boss' man!  However, knowing when to put a stop to ‘bossiness’ and make efforts in enlisting the services of subordinates for the general welfare of the Organization is the key to being a ‘good’ boss. This I find lacking in some bosses who make a habit of being on their ‘bossy’ best behaviour at all times throughout their careers!

In saying so, I do not condone the behaviour of such ‘bossy’ superiors who go on harassing and admonishing their subordinates, ad-nausea, sometimes with little or no justification. I was the victim of one such ‘bossy’ superior who throughout my tenure in this particular organization had established a pattern of high handedness by constantly squeezing me out of promotions and salary raises. Perhaps, his whole attitude stemmed from a low self-esteem (including his personality which was short of average height!) that constantly kept him on tenterhooks, once the victim (that’s me!) came under his vice-like grip.

Right through my tenure in the Organization, it remained my constant endeavour to please my boss and be in his ‘good’ books! The pattern was clearly established from the very first day of my joining in this particular Organization. He used to keep a constant watch over me ensuring that I do not go over his head complaining about his behaviour to 'higher-up in hierarchy' bosses. It was clearly a lot of pressure on him too! This kept me amused sometimes seeing his discomfiture when I had the opportunity to meet senior executives in the organization. My boss had to keep a tight leash on me and dissuade me from attending senior level meetings so that I did not spill the beans! I enjoyed these meetings much to the chagrin of my ‘bossy’ superior, as there was a constant demand from senior level executives to depute me to these meetings for dissemination of first hand level of knowledge/skillset that was more useful for the discussions at hand.

There were all other kinds of amusements too being bandied about at work place from one staff member to another, the common ‘enemy’ and centre of discussion being, of course, the boss! There was constant back-stabbing scenarios being played out, rightly or sometimes without justification attributable directly to the boss! The fun was in dishing out stories (exaggerated, of course, to an extent!) to other members of the staff or even outside the Department. Sometimes the stories were carried over with added ‘spice’ to different 'peer' companies in the area. Thus, the common denominator was always the boss which made him a study in curiosity by 'peer' company bosses. This also gave him a reputation of being a ‘toughie’ among 'peer' companies, thereby enhancing his image (much to his advantage) and largely disappointment and chagrin writ on the faces of our staff members.

There was another level of comfort and satisfaction to me when my boss would hand out his terribly ‘bossy’ behaviour to other colleagues at work! There was a competition amongst us as to who is the number ‘one’ victim of ‘bossy’ behaviour from the boss during a given period! There was a general discussion that took place (of course when the boss was absent or he had closed his office doors for meetings!) within the work place to give out the victim number ‘one’ award along with deep ‘empathy’ and promises to provide voice support if there were to be a next encounter for victimhood. However, these situations never arose as the boss was smart enough to gauge the gist of discussions and carefully avoided to face the victim in the next few days much to general disappointment all around. There were many interesting encounters that took place quite often as years rolled by due to large turnover of staff members. One such interesting encounter baffles me to this day. The following episode proves my point that at heart the boss was really a timid person (or more of a coward?).

The episode in question happened on a bright day very early on a spring morning. A staff meeting had been scheduled for the day at 8 AM. All staff members had assembled in the meeting room with lot of enthusiasm as staff ‘bonus’ matters were to be discussed per the agenda. One staff member, when it was his turn to speak, boldly suggested an :out of the box' idea; this was seconded and supported by all other staff members in unison.  The idea was that the bonus amount allocated to the department should be equally distributed to all the staff members of the same cadre.  No distinction should be made on doling out the bonus based on the performance of the person, which according to our understanding was mere hogwash. There was complete unanimity and enthusiasm for the idea. This particular idea was against the boss’s grain and did not go well with him. He felt cornered out and his face had gone ashen white, as all colour had drained out from his face. Though in essence it was not an outrageous idea, as such, but the boss took it as an insult to him and he felt that there was revolt directed at him. Seeing him cornered all staff members were more enthused and pushed him to accept the idea, which he reluctantly agreed to implement. After the meeting, the boss locked his office door and was closeted with his immediate assistant for the entire day. He kept on ruminating over his defeat (he considered this as the worst day in his entire life!) and shooting out emails to all staff on various other matters. There was a very rare staff unanimity and all of them were in their best element. There was beaming all around staff tables, the unity of strength in numbers was clearly visible that day which had made the boss take a back seat and he felt defeated. This incident is still recollected by all the staff of the Office who were present on the day in question. It was a landmark day in the history of the Department!

I daresay that I am able to recant the above incidents without fear of reprisal, as I no longer work in the particular Company and even for that matter I am farther away from the country in question for a while now.

Three cheers to ‘bossy’ bosses! Looking back, I think there was so much fun and excitement, albeit a tough one, amidst such an extraordinary adventure.  It taught me some deep life lessons which, otherwise, I would not have had the opportunity to learn and grow. The biggest lesson I learnt during this period was letting go of the petty differences and apologising upfront for the mistakes that occurred advertently or inadvertently in the course of doing my job.  It just goes to prove the point that there is a silver lining in every cloud.