Remembering my Father

I have very vivid recollection of the time I spent with my late father who passed away some 50 years ago.  It has been a very long time, but I can still remember some of those wonderful moments, I have had with my dear father.

As I remember him, I believe my dad’s greatest virtue was his kindness and goodness of heart. He was a perfect example of what we call a kind and gentle human being. All those who knew him outside of the family thought him to be a thorough gentleman.  A very rare breed, indeed.  In those days, I had heard many tales from my friends and school mates the way their fathers used to treat them at home.  The fathers those days then, were generally very strict and taciturn, having very little patience when dealing with young boys. On the other hand, I take great pride in saying that my father treated me like an adult, as if I were on his equal footing. He never remonstrated me even during those trying times when I knew I was in the wrong and had tested his patience to the maximum. There was a lesson to be learnt from each of his actions. He even shared the details of his salary, home budget and expenditure with me though I was hardly 10-11 years old. When I was 15 years old, I became a sort of accountant to him. He made me realize the value of being thrift with family budget. Once my father had asked me to manage the family expenses for one entire month independently before handing over his entire salary for the month. This was his way of showing me the ropes, I think.  I did this for a month and I couldn’t do any better on monthly savings and expenditure than he could. I gave up and told him that I cannot manage any better than him.  This exercise was a lesson to me to understand the nuances of managing the family finances with limited income of those days. My dad was a great democrat at heart.

The thing I clearly remember about my dad was his suave good looks and his handsome countenance. He was always well dressed, looking impeccable in his sartorial extravagance. I could still visualise him in his suit and tie, immaculately dressed ready to leave for his office in the mornings, waiting for his office van/car, as early as 6.40 AM daily. Even when he was very sick and he knew his end was near, his dress sense never left him. When he was admitted to the hospital following a heart attack, before leaving for the hospital he had to get nicely dressed as if he were attending some important event.

His other passion was his extreme fondness for food. Food was more like a mission with him. His eating habits were unique. He had this habit of polishing off his food plate clean after every meal, not a single morsel of food was to be found left on his plate once the meal was over. As an explanation to this habit, we were told that food grains were very precious and scarce commodity those days as rationing of food grains were in vogue. I think the wars of 1965 and 1971 had left an indelible impression on people’s minds and taught them a valuable lesson not to waste any food. India was a food deficient country then; the green revolution was still years away. There was shortage of food grains in India and I still remember wheat used to be imported from USA. Whatever the reason, the lesson we were taught was that food was never to be wasted.

My dad loved eating Masala Dosas in local Restaurants. Masala Dosa was his all-time favourite snack. Restaurants were far and few then unlike today’s Bangalore where you have food joints at every nook and corner. But some of the South Bangalore’s old Restaurants like Vidhyarthi Bhavan, Mavalli Tiffin Room, Udupi Krishna Bhavan in Balepet, Hotel Dwaraka, New Modern Hotel, Janatha Hotel, have survived to this day. There was this Restaurant by name Gajendra Vilas in Chamarajpet, 4th Main Road which was an all-time favourite with our family of uncles and aunts. It has been closed for some years now. I used to accompany him to all these restaurants whenever he felt like relishing on his favourite snack. I was looking forward to this lovely treat which had become a sort of weekly ritual with us.  Doctors had advised my father to shun oily and sweet foods as he was a diabetic. Apart from diabetes, he had developed many other accompanying health complications like Hypertension, Kidney malfunction, heart problems, etc. Despite all these health concerns and doctor’s advice, my dad had this insatiable urge to fulfil his passion, which was food. He wasn’t keen to take up on the doctor’s advice seriously. He used to say that he would eat tasty foods to his heart content and die early rather than go without and live long.

His another abiding passion was playing Cricket and watching Hollywood movies. I was told that in his younger days (that was before I was born), he had this habit of watching Hollywood movies on a weekly basis. I remember my mother telling me that he was never home on Sundays during his younger days. He was always to be found in Cricket grounds or in some movie theatre. His chief raison d'être was playing Cricket and watching movies. His interest in later years turned to umpiring for Cricket matches rather than playing the game himself. However, due to his deteriorating health, all activities ceased gradually. I remember watching some of the hit movies of the time with him. I remember a few of them. Airport, Hatari, Fear is the key, Where Eagles Dare, Patton.

My dad loved to recant and regale us with stories from the great Indian epics, Mahabharata and Ramayana to my younger sister and I.  Whatever little knowledge I have of these great Indian epics is solely due to my dad’s story-telling efforts. During the summer evenings, post dinner, when the weather used to get hot inside the house, we used to sit out on mats under the open evening skies inside the compound walls of our home. My dad would engage us with stories from the great Indian epics; stories of the great Hindu saints and sages in great detail. There were so many interesting and unforgettable stories we had heard from him during those summer evenings. It was a delight listening to him in his wonderful sonorous voice.  This recanting of stories by my father had become a ritual of sorts in our extended family circle. When my cousin brothers and sisters visited our home during school vacations, they used to participate with us  enthusiastically enjoying the stories from my dad. More the merrier, we all enjoyed the session of my father’s story-telling efforts and had food served under the open skies by my mother on few occasions.

My dad was well loved and respected by his siblings. Being the eldest, he had as many as eight siblings; apart from three step sisters and a step brother. He was instrumental in keeping his family intact following his father’s death and his entire extended family was struggling to get two square meals a day. He never spoke about the struggles he had gone through.  His mantra was to live in the present and never brood over the past.  The past was over and done with.  There were many trials and tribulations he had undergone; many of which we never knew until after his death. Very much later in life, I heard from my uncles and aunts, about the struggles and pain my dad had to endure in his short span of life.

How I wish my dad had lived much longer to enjoy the good fortunes life had to bestow upon us in later years. Alas, this was never meant to be. But I have always felt his gentle presence alongside me, in so many of my endeavours. My grandma (my father’s mother) who lived on to a ripe old age had this to say about him. The huge cache of good deeds accumulated by my father had been bestowed on to his children in the form of God’s kind gifts and largesse.  Be that as it may, life has been very kind to me so far.

There is this saying from the local language which roughly translated says, ‘Good men are snatched away early in their prime as Gods love them too much and cannot stay without them’. This quote appeared to be so apt in my father’s case as I have not come across a gentler and wonderful human being in my life! He passed away quite early in his life but he has left us with many everlasting delightful memories of our time spent with him.  My utmost regret was that we did not have a proper photograph of my father to remember him by.  His memories are, however, etched in my mind and I can still remember him clear as a day and the sublime person that he was!

Reincarnation

Reincarnation

The concept of reincarnation has always intrigued and fascinated man.  It had brought many people into its fold over hundreds of years of human existence to alter or reinforce their belief system. One would expect that the reincarnation theory to be in vogue since time immemorial but it appears that this belief system has existed only since a little more than a couple of thousand years. This belief exists in different organised religions across the world mainly eastern religions (apart from the Hindu faith) such as Buddhism, Jainism (albeit in a different form). Hindu belief system or the Sanathana Dharma which encompasses a wide range of belief systems was the main proponent of this concept through the Upanishads. There is no mention of reincarnation as a concept in the Rig Veda, the oldest written document to be found till date in human recorded history. Rig Vedas are believed to have been created by a series of enlightened Sages, sometime between 3500 years ago and 5000 years ago. The Vedas mainly consist of offerings and communion with the gods (Agni, Indra, etc.), attained as a result of various sacrifices offered with the chanting of hymns. The Upanishads which were thought to have been composed between 800 BCE and 500 BCE, were probably the first to propound the theory of reincarnation. The Upanishads had started to question the traditional Vedic religious order and an attempt was made in these texts to shift the focus of  spiritual life from external rites and sacrifices to internal spiritual quests in the search for answers.

Reincarnation as a concept is attractive as it provides an explanation about the differences that exist among people such as those that are born very rich or in dire poverty or in various diseased or deformed human conditions that one is born into. It is not under one’s control how one is born into this world. Some have success without being religious, others are constant losers, despite their religious adherence. If one is born in a poor family or one is born a leper or with some serious deformity, reincarnation explains that these are the results of past actions in previous lives. The bad deeds of the previous birth are passed on to this birth, thereby explaining away the unfortunate circumstances that one has to endure in the present life. On the other hand, reincarnation concept is also another way of negating the monotheistic teaching of the final judgment by a holy God, for sinners to be condemned to suffer in eternal hell. The reincarnation theory motivates a person to do good deeds in the present life so that the benefit can be reaped in the next life.

Similarly, if one has to attain good births in future lives, one has to commit or do good karma in their present lives. The concept of Karma, which literally means “action”, is the idea that all actions have consequences, good or bad. Karma determines the conditions of the next life, just like our life is conditioned by our previous karma. There is no judgement or forgiveness, simply an impersonal, natural and eternal law operating in the universe. Those who do good will be reborn in better conditions while those who are evil will be reborn in worse conditions. Perhaps as an animal, perhaps as a human, perhaps as a god, but always in a regular cycle of deaths and resurrections.

As a necessary aid in explaining the reincarnation mechanism, Vedanta explains the concept of a “subtle body” (sukshma-sharira) which is attached to atman or soul as long as its bondage lasts. This “subtle body” is the actual carrier of karmic debts. The facts recorded by the “subtle body” are a sum of hidden tendencies or impressions (samskara) imprinted by karma as seeds that will generate future behaviour and personal character. They will materialize unconsciously in the life of the individual, without giving one any hint at understanding his or her actual condition. There can be no form of transmitting conscious memory from one life to another, since it belongs to the world of illusion and dissolves at death. In the Samkhya and Yoga darshanas, the entity that reincarnates is “purusha”, an equivalent of atman or soul. Yoga Sutra (2,12) defines a similar mechanism of transmitting the effects of karma from one life to another, as was the case in Vedanta. The reservoir of karmas is called “karmashaya”. This deposit of karma merely serves as a mechanism for adjusting the effects of karma in one’s life.

Passing from one life to another life is like the shifting of a dream. In between births, the individual soul spends time in the astral regions, sometimes just wandering and frittering time away, and sometimes in learning and evolving so the next life will be better and wiser than the previous one. This time spent in this intermediate state can be anything from a matter of hours to centuries and even thousands of years. This is precisely determined by one’s karma.

Bhagavad Gita (2:18-21) says, “Bodies are said to die, but That which possesses the body is eternal. It cannot be limited, or destroyed. Some say this Atman is slain, and others call It the slayer: they know nothing. How can It slay or who shall slay It? Know this, Atman is unborn, undying, never ceasing, never beginning, deathless, birth-less, unchanging for ever. It is within all, and it is without all.” Further, “Just as the self, advances through childhood, youth and old age in its physical body, so it advances to another body after death. The wise person is not confused by this change called death (2,13). Just as the body casts off worn out clothes and puts on new ones, so the infinite, immortal self, casts off worn out bodies and enters into new ones (2,22).

There are many accounts of death or near death related experiences by people that have led many to believe strongly in the concept of reincarnation. Brihadaranyaka Upanishad (4:4:1,2) explains that “The person in the throes of death neither sees, nor smells, nor tastes. He does not speak he does not hear. He does not think; he does not know. For all the organs, detaching themselves from his physical body, unite with his subtle body. Then the point of his heart, where the nerves join, is lighted by the light of the Self, and by that light he departs either through the eye, or through the gate of the skull, or through some other aperture of the body. When he thus departs, life departs; and when life departs, all the functions of the vital principle depart. The Self remains conscious, and, conscious, the dying man goes to his abode. The deeds of this life, and the impressions they leave behind, follow him.”

Shvetashvatara Upanishad says that, “Reincarnation is the practical way in which one reaps the fruits of one's deeds. By means of thought, touch, sight and passions and by the abundance of food and drink there are birth and development of the (embodied) self. According to his deeds, the embodied self assumes successively various forms in various conditions.

The Puranas provide a clearer picture of the specifics according to each kind of “bad acts” or "sin" one commits. For example, Garuda Puranas (17,50-57), states that, “Those men who are intent upon wisdom go to the highest goal; the sinfully-inclined go miserably to the torments of Yama. Thus the makers of bad karma, having experienced the tortures of hell, are born with the residues of their sins, in these stated forms. Then, obtaining for thousands of lives the bodies of animals, they suffer from carrying burdens and other miseries. Having experienced as a bird the misery of cold, rain and heat, he afterwards reaches the human state, when the good and evil are balanced. Birth and death are the lot of all embodied beings; thus turns the wheel in the four kingdoms of beings. As the wheel of time turns, so mortals revolve by my magic. They revolve at one time of earth, at another in hell, held fast by the noose of karma. He who does not mike gifts becomes poverty--stricken and through poverty he commits sin; by the force of sin he goes to hell, and is again born in poverty and again becomes sinful. Karma which has been made, whether good or evil, must inevitably be suffered. Karma not suffered does not fade away even in tens of millions of ages.”

Similar specific punishments are stated by The Laws of Manu (12, 54-69). As the karmic debt one recorded in the past is considerably large, a single life is not enough to consume it. Therefore, in order to attain liberation, many lives become a necessity. The external intervention of a god or a human guru is useless since it would compromise the role of karma.

In order that one can be “rid of” or “escape” the cycle of births and deaths (i.e., reincarnation), one has to attain the highest form of self-realization that is possible in highly evolved beings. This is the true and ultimate realization of a soul or atman. Brihadaranyaka Upanishad (4:4:6) says that “But he in whom desire is stilled suffers no rebirth. After death, having attained to the highest, desiring only the Self, he goes to no other world. Realizing Brahman, he becomes Brahman.”

In the Bhagwad Gita, Krishna says, (Chapter 8, Verse 16) “from the highest planet in the material world down to the lowest, all are places of misery wherein repeated birth and death takes place. But one who attains to My abode, O son of Kunti, never takes birth again” and in (Chapter 2, Verse 13), “as the embodied soul continually passes, in this body, from boyhood to youth to old age, the soul similarly passes into another body at death. The self-realized soul is not deluded by such a change.”

Remembering Grandma

It has been my great fortune to have lived and spent a large part of my young life with my grandmother. My grandmother, who lived up to a ripe old age of 95 years, was an exceptional and an incredible person. She was gritty, pleasant, affectionate, tolerant and many more. I cannot find more epithets to describe her. She was full of wisdom. She was a larger-than-life individual, especially in the eyes of her numerous grandchildren, I am one of them. She was everyone’s favourite grandma.

She had been married at a very early age, when she was just 12 or 13 years old. My grandfather was 35 years old at the time of their marriage.  After bearing 10 children in continuous succession and widowed soon after, one would expect that a person in her position would have been worn out and given up on life! But not my grandma. She took on herself to bring up all her children without any kind of moral or financial support, or any other help from those around her. Her eldest son (that was my father) was 25 years old at the time of my grandfather’s death. There was a gap of 2-3 years between each of her children. She was 41 years when she was widowed and left to fend for herself with her large family; with no money or security in a big town (that was Bangalore then). My grandma and her large family of 9 children (her second child had died during childbirth) survived the initial ordeal with a great deal of grit and determination. The family had to go through untold misery, pain and struggle for survival on a daily basis. This period may be notorious for such struggles for survival and this may, perhaps, be the common recurring theme of many families during the era of the 1940’s in India. However, this does not take away in any way or diminish the pains and struggles of each of the individual families, they had to undergo for survival during that period.

Perhaps, the long period of family struggles and hardship had shaped my grandma’s character, providing her with the grit and determination and the will to fight for herself and her family’s survival. This may hardly explain her cheerfulness and affectionate nature, which I guess she may have inherited from her parents. She had very little in terms of formal education; she just attended primary school. She reminded us of her educational qualification from time to time to motivate us to read well and prosper in our luves.  As she hailed from a small, nondescript village in Shimoga district in Karnataka, I am not sure what kind of primary education she may have had there, in those days. Her parental family background had been of limited influence in her life as she had married very young and left her parents’ house at an early age, soon after marriage.

My grandma had a large influence on my upbringing and early part of my life. She had her say in most of the important family matters and had been a ‘go-to’ person for all issues concerning the family and the children’s future, e.g., naming of the children, when they should attend school, when should the boys undergo the ‘sacred-thread ceremony’, when should a girl be married, etc. Though she was duly consulted and she had her say, the final decision would rest with the main person involved in the matter. She did not interfere and push her own thoughts or agenda, she would only provide her counsel, as an elderly and wise person.

I was in the habit of having long and deep discussions (or let us simply say, arguments) with my grandma concerning religion, faith, God, etc., needling her with outrageous suggestions, which, provoked strong responses from her on many contentious issues. Though we had strong arguments on various issues, she was not the one to give in easily. She argued her case long and hard. As soon as the issue was settled one way or the other, she would affectionately call me her biggest rival.

My grandma was a source of great strength and comfort to all of us in the family. When my father and my two other uncles passed away prematurely, she stood like a rock absorbing all the shock, pain and distress. When the rest of the family was uncontrollable in their tragic loss, I remember her sympathetic comforting words to the rest of the family members, quoting the God’s will and other scriptures; human beings were nothing more than mere pawns in the Almighty’s chess board and she would say that these are testing times; we cannot abdicate the responsibility of fulfilling our destiny chosen by God; life, simply has to go on, despite all odds. This was, perhaps, the sign of her strong beliefs in the Almighty and the Hindu scriptures. She was a very pious, God-fearing and religious person. She had been indoctrinated into the strong Hindu  beliefs to an extent that she was prompted into shaving off her head, following the death of her husband (that is my grandfather). She had steadfastly continued this ritual of shaving her head until her death in the year 2001.

My grandma was a great believer of traditions and rituals. She used to partake of full meal only once in a day (that was lunch alone).  In the evenings, she would have some light snacks and milk. She continued this habit of having a lean diet till her death. She followed the traditions of fasting once in a fortnight on the ‘Ekadashi day’. A strict rule she observed till her very end.

My grandma was a great cook. I still remember her simple, yet excellently cooked food using only the basic minimum ingredients which, however, tasted heavenly. The food she cooked did not have any exotic or extraordinary ingredients. Most of the dishes she cooked were based on regularly available ingredients, the food was cooked, however, with lots of love and care. My cousins and uncles still rave about the extraordinary taste she squeezed out of ordinary ingredients; and the food she prepared tasted great.

I remember her constant and all-encompassing influence in my early formative years. Looking back, I believe it was her calming presence that gave me the strength and courage to survive, especially in the turbulent phase of my life, post the death of my father. If it was not for her presence, may be, I could not have lived through steadfastly with the trauma of my father’s death. I always believed she calmed down my teenage rage and tempers with her sagacious presence in my life.

My grandma was healthy and strong all through her life. Her robust health was her greatest asset. I have never seen her fall ill with minor ailments. Only in her last few years, after she turned 93, she was admitted to a hospital for treatment, may be just 2 or 3 times.

My only regret was that I was not in Bangalore when she passed away. I was posted in Mumbai at that time. I could not attend her funeral and have a last glimpse of my dear Grandma. This reminded me of the beautiful quote so eloquently expressed, which read, “Those we love, don’t go away, they walk beside us every day, unseen, unheard, but always near, so loved, so missed, so very dear”.