It has been my great fortune to have lived and spent a large part of my young life with my grandmother. My grandmother, who lived up to a ripe old age of 95 years, was an exceptional and an incredible person. She was gritty, pleasant, affectionate, tolerant and many more. I cannot find more epithets to describe her. She was full of wisdom. She was a larger-than-life individual, especially in the eyes of her numerous grandchildren, I am one of them. She was everyone’s favourite grandma.
She had been married at a very early age, when she was just 12 or 13 years old. My grandfather was 35 years old at the time of their marriage. After bearing 10 children in continuous succession and widowed soon after, one would expect that a person in her position would have been worn out and given up on life! But not my grandma. She took on herself to bring up all her children without any kind of moral or financial support, or any other help from those around her. Her eldest son (that was my father) was 25 years old at the time of my grandfather’s death. There was a gap of 2-3 years between each of her children. She was 41 years when she was widowed and left to fend for herself with her large family; with no money or security in a big town (that was Bangalore then). My grandma and her large family of 9 children (her second child had died during childbirth) survived the initial ordeal with a great deal of grit and determination. The family had to go through untold misery, pain and struggle for survival on a daily basis. This period may be notorious for such struggles for survival and this may, perhaps, be the common recurring theme of many families during the era of the 1940’s in India. However, this does not take away in any way or diminish the pains and struggles of each of the individual families, they had to undergo for survival during that period.
Perhaps, the long period of family struggles and hardship had shaped my grandma’s character, providing her with the grit and determination and the will to fight for herself and her family’s survival. This may hardly explain her cheerfulness and affectionate nature, which I guess she may have inherited from her parents. She had very little in terms of formal education; she just attended primary school. She reminded us of her educational qualification from time to time to motivate us to read well and prosper in our luves. As she hailed from a small, nondescript village in Shimoga district in Karnataka, I am not sure what kind of primary education she may have had there, in those days. Her parental family background had been of limited influence in her life as she had married very young and left her parents’ house at an early age, soon after marriage.
My grandma had a large influence on my upbringing and early part of my life. She had her say in most of the important family matters and had been a ‘go-to’ person for all issues concerning the family and the children’s future, e.g., naming of the children, when they should attend school, when should the boys undergo the ‘sacred-thread ceremony’, when should a girl be married, etc. Though she was duly consulted and she had her say, the final decision would rest with the main person involved in the matter. She did not interfere and push her own thoughts or agenda, she would only provide her counsel, as an elderly and wise person.
I was in the habit of having long and deep discussions (or let us simply say, arguments) with my grandma concerning religion, faith, God, etc., needling her with outrageous suggestions, which, provoked strong responses from her on many contentious issues. Though we had strong arguments on various issues, she was not the one to give in easily. She argued her case long and hard. As soon as the issue was settled one way or the other, she would affectionately call me her biggest rival.
My grandma was a source of great strength and comfort to all of us in the family. When my father and my two other uncles passed away prematurely, she stood like a rock absorbing all the shock, pain and distress. When the rest of the family was uncontrollable in their tragic loss, I remember her sympathetic comforting words to the rest of the family members, quoting the God’s will and other scriptures; human beings were nothing more than mere pawns in the Almighty’s chess board and she would say that these are testing times; we cannot abdicate the responsibility of fulfilling our destiny chosen by God; life, simply has to go on, despite all odds. This was, perhaps, the sign of her strong beliefs in the Almighty and the Hindu scriptures. She was a very pious, God-fearing and religious person. She had been indoctrinated into the strong Hindu beliefs to an extent that she was prompted into shaving off her head, following the death of her husband (that is my grandfather). She had steadfastly continued this ritual of shaving her head until her death in the year 2001.
My grandma was a great believer of traditions and rituals. She used to partake of full meal only once in a day (that was lunch alone). In the evenings, she would have some light snacks and milk. She continued this habit of having a lean diet till her death. She followed the traditions of fasting once in a fortnight on the ‘Ekadashi day’. A strict rule she observed till her very end.
My grandma was a great cook. I still remember her simple, yet excellently cooked food using only the basic minimum ingredients which, however, tasted heavenly. The food she cooked did not have any exotic or extraordinary ingredients. Most of the dishes she cooked were based on regularly available ingredients, the food was cooked, however, with lots of love and care. My cousins and uncles still rave about the extraordinary taste she squeezed out of ordinary ingredients; and the food she prepared tasted great.
I remember her constant and all-encompassing influence in my early formative years. Looking back, I believe it was her calming presence that gave me the strength and courage to survive, especially in the turbulent phase of my life, post the death of my father. If it was not for her presence, may be, I could not have lived through steadfastly with the trauma of my father’s death. I always believed she calmed down my teenage rage and tempers with her sagacious presence in my life.
My grandma was healthy and strong all through her life. Her robust health was her greatest asset. I have never seen her fall ill with minor ailments. Only in her last few years, after she turned 93, she was admitted to a hospital for treatment, may be just 2 or 3 times.
My only regret was that I was not in Bangalore when she passed away. I was posted in Mumbai at that time. I could not attend her funeral and have a last glimpse of my dear Grandma. This reminded me of the beautiful quote so eloquently expressed, which read, “Those we love, don’t go away, they walk beside us every day, unseen, unheard, but always near, so loved, so missed, so very dear”.
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